Invitation to Enter

work in progress...
Here's my latest work in progress sometimes when I'm working on something and I come to a stopping point, I'll bring it into the house from the studio so I can study it during the day...this work is an attempt to paint more of what I want to paint, something not dictated by an idea of "audience" or "market" but rather for me...about things/feelings/ideas I'm curious about....


I've been reading a book called Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Acedia as defined by the book jacket "is a term understood to be spiritual sloth, but really signifies the serious malady of being unable to care."


In other words....boredom....
Bored with your work and it's lack of progress you begin to seek out other ways to feel fulfilled. The author describes this as it relates to early monks, but also relates how it can affect artists, writers and others whose work is often done in solitude with little or no response from the outside world. 


Something to which I can relate.....


I've always had in me a restlessness, a longing of sorts and I've often looked to spirituality for answers...but I often find myself back at square one, as it were...


But, I truly, truly, believe there are answers and comforts to the things that trouble us....but I also find that when I  research things of this nature online and even in libraries I find time and time again....Law of Attraction.....


Maybe, I'm reading things wrong, but honestly, the whole Law of Attraction thing really bothers me...I feel it can set up gullible and hurting people for more disappointment....one thing, for instance, that I struggle with (like so many others) is financial issues partnered with raising costs of...I don't know...everything.....and I also struggle with wanting so, so, bad to make an income with selling my art/books/creative endeavors and so I research how to do this....and I find (and I'm sure you do to if you follow anybody in the art/blogging world).....they all have something to sell...in the form of e-courses, e-books, and blah blah blah....and can show you how to do it for only $$$$.....and at lot of what is out there (and I admit to having bought some) is Law of Attraction and create your own coaching, e-course, yada yada....and nothing much about selling actual art....


Maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'll eat these words...maybe I'm just not buying the right e-book or trying hard enough...or whatever....


But...


I don't want to do those things....(e-courses, etc.)
I want to make art...
art that reaches people...
that reminds them of simpler and more sacred things....
art that has a life and a sense of history....


And I know that my art isn't there....yet....I've been painting towards an invisible market and audience...trying to paint something accessible to more people so that perhaps it would sell....and it hasn't so I'm not doing it anymore...I'm painting for me and my thoughts, ideas and curiosities....and I can't promise that it will be any good, but I feel a hole and a burning desire for a more authentic...experience....


In this way I'm going to try to beat my restlessness and boredom....and my despair...I'm opening myself up to inner peace which is to say happiness...


Maybe this is the wrong thing to say or do....maybe I'll hurt myself in the long run...but if I can't be myself...who else is going to do it....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidenote: The above painting is called Invitation to Enter...somebody on Facebook asked me why she has her eyes closed if she's meant to be inviting...here's my response...  it's internalization...a spiritual invitation over a worldly one....an opening on her inner self than the external...


Also, since painting something that has meaning to me...I can actually come up with meaningful titles rather than a generic descriptive label...

Rainy Day in the Country

Oh, it's raining. When I work up the day was gray and cool. I hopped outside before the rain arrived to take some photos and let out my beasty demons. Then, back inside.... to work on my "illuminated" books and put some chicken soup in the slow cooker while the rain falls outside.

I've had a lot of thoughts lately. Thoughts on authenticity, fears, trusting the universe, acceptance and all these things jumble around in my head until I don't know which end is up.

Overall, it's been a huge and terrifying year. A year of changes, a year of endings and beginnings. And on top of it all....fears...fears of losing it all, fears of what these changes will bring, how I will change. My pregnancy is reaching it's end and this ending brings new beginnings.

I want to be open and accepting. I want to live fearlessly and confident, sharing the talents and gifts I've been given, offering these gifts for the good of myself, others and my community.

Working on my recent "illuminated" books have offered some respite. The idea of illuminated books, bringing in the light comforts me. Shutting out the world, listening to music, and methodically cutting and removing layers of text to add images and patterns. Creating art, something sacred out of something that would have been discarded, thrown out and forgotten. This process gives me a sense of completion, a sense of accomplishment and that everything will be alright, because someone is watching out for me.....just like I'm watching out for these old books and giving them new life.

So, how do you cope with overwhelming thoughts, feelings and fears? Do you burrow away into your work, write, etc?  And what do you think of my "illuminated" books?

Mixed Media Altered Book

Here's what I found on my desk this morning....well, what I've been working on. I love illuminated manuscripts so this is my version of that. I take a book, saw it down, cut it out and paint it. I'm loving the results! So, much fun, I become completely absorbed in the making. (Much to my husband's chagrin because I never hear the phone when it rings.)

I'm reaching a realization.....of sorts. Maybe it's coming from the changes I'm experiencing and will soon be experiencing with upcoming childbirth....

Well, my realization is more like a letting go....letting go of my old self and making room for the new one to grow....letting go of the assumption that the art I create has to follow a form...I just like to make stuff....letting go of fear and worry and the need to "fit" in....I'm letting myself "go with the flow" and accept things I can't change and accept myself....and I find a sort of peace with this...peace of spirit and mind....and this peace brings a freedom in creation and trust...

Anyways.....the last pic is a new altered book that I'm listing on Etsy.

It's getting chilly here....stay warm.

On my desk this morning...

Here's a look at what greeted me this morning. I try to get in there daily to "work". Today had all kinds of pleasant interruptions, my mom and nephew came over. Other not so nice interruptions include a cough and head cold that's kept me down the past couple of days and a baby who has decided that my belly is an inflatable jumper. It's pretty hard to use a X-acto knife when your belly moves of its own accord. But I've made some progress. I've been really enjoying the altered book/mixed media thing I've been doing lately. The new work is showing up in my shop....POP over if you care to have a look.

Well, tomorrow's Saturday. If all works out, I'll be heading in The Magic City (Birmingham, AL) for their annual ArtWalk. Hope your weekends great!

Mournings and Musings

One part of my life is ending and another is beginning. I'm starting a new life with a new LIFE and a new house and so many other new things that it's all overwhelming at times. I have to let myself mourn a little to that which is ending so that my heart is open to receive the new blessings that will enter. It's hard. I lay awake at night (some due to the pregnancy and some due to the thoughts and dreams and hopes that the future will bring) and try to let things go. At the same time I'm desperate have my books and art supplies unpacked so that I can get to work. I feel pulled in so many ways creative and otherwise.

These images here are the last things I was able to finish before having all of my things packed. I long for my "studio" space at the new house and hope and dream that what I create there will allow me to have a life at home to raise my son. I see so many possibilities and wonder which ones will open doors for me to create this type of life. I'm full (literally and figuratively and creatively and all the other -lys you can think of). I try not to get discouraged when things fall apart but it's said that things fall apart so that others can fall together. I try to keep this in mind.

I suppose in the end things happen as they must and we must learn to let things happen as it will.....

The steampunk altered book is available HERE.

Here's some things keeping me inspired in these days of waiting and longing:

http://yama-bato.tumblr.com/categories

Check out the gorgeous images in the bookbinding catagory.

http://www.createmixedmedia.com/uncategorized/they-say-were-obsessed-like-its-a-bad-thing

This sums me up nicely.

http://pinterest.com/hilaryblackwood/

And I've become addicted to Pinterest.

A Passel of Babies....

Here's a batch of babies I've been hard at work on. I'm participating in a Etsy team show tomorrow in Huntsville (see previous post for link) and these are some new items I'll have available. Whatever is left after the show will go live in my Etsy shop until a new owners comes to claim them. I've really enjoyed making these to the point of going overboard with them. I have about 4 more to finish, hopefully in time for Saturday.

I grew up with my mom making dolls and generally being crafty around the house...I get a lot of my craftiness/artiness from her. Her father was also an artist and my dad's mother is an artist, so I suppose I can't help being an arty/crafty person myself. I get it from all sides. And I suppose, my little one will probably be artsy too....what with me as a mother and a father who writes and builds instruments. I guess I'll see soon enough!

Goodbye, "City" life....

So, yeah I know....city life in Alabama compares to living in the sticks for most other folks but having grown up on a little 4 acre plot of land I was desperate to get back to it....especially when we found out I was pregnant. So, after searching and searching we discovered this little spot out in the "country". House, Barn and 3 arces to set it all on to call our own. Of course, there is much work to done...bathroom renovations, new flooring in living room, new paint, new carpet....this list goes on...but compared to our Mill Village "cottage" where we currently live...so worth it. We'll have plenty of room for our growing tribe of animals (a new kitten recently fell out of a tree and into our lives...making our critter count 2 cats and 6 dogs) and a studio space for me! And a place for Jacob to build his instruments and other various carpentry pursuits.

So, a big year this one...first baby, new house, etc and so forth...

On the crafty side of things, I'll be doing a Etsy team show this weekend in Huntsville. Click here to go to the blog page and for more info!

It's been awhile....

Well...my poor little blog has been ignored. But I must say it's been a summer of a lifetime. I've not announced it here....but I'm 5 months pregnant and between that and buying a house to have room for our newest addition it's been very busy lately. I have had time to work on my Etsy listings...the two pieces you see here are available.

I think I've finally found a way to use my tin milagros that I've been making which I talk about in this older post. Adhering them to wood allows the tin ornament to be enjoyed without the pesky edges being a danger. And I really like the way the tin shines off the wood. Maybe I'll get a chance to have a tutorial/painting progress thing of sorts for this type of work.

What do you think of these?

I plan on making different "milagros"...maybe some goddess/myth ones....wheels are still churning here....

Magpie Painting

I have a confession...I'm a magpie painter.....

Now this term is something that I made up but to me it means...someone who paints willy-nilly, collecting " shiny styles" as they flitter from one technique or style to the next ...and this is also very frustrating.

I'm frustrated in the sense that my work has no direction, I don't build on one style and try to develop it...and I think my lack of sales and progress with my art is directly related to this.

Basically, I love painting and trying new stuff...but none of it develops into a cohesive style that is all me....

So, I'm getting pro-active about it. I laid out ALL my painting going back to 2007 and looked at them...just looked...no judgment, just recognizing my output...

Then I started gathering pictures that didn't really establish what I want to relate...that is...paintings that may be good in their own way don't really represent what I'm trying to do or say...

It could be there subject matter doesn't thrill me...

I painted it in a "fit of passion"....and it isn't "me"

Or it's just not right...

I kept weeding through and sorting out pictures all the while constantly reminding myself that the pictures weren't "bad"....they just don't point in the direction I would like to head....

Eventually, I gathered a collection of paintings that I really liked...paintings that made me happy when painting them, or...again...represented what I'm trying to communicate...

And I have created a road map to direct me as I work on developing this...

Now, all of this may sound trivial and common sense...and maybe it is. But as someone who has never had much formal "ART" education, this is something I've never done or thought about doing...but I feel like it's essential to discovering who you are as an artist. Reflecting back on past work, looking objectively, and laying the road map out for yourself as to where you want to go....

But also as someone who has never had formal art training...this is a hard thing to do....I ask for advice and comments about my work...but because the people I ask know me and like me...they say I love it...It's all wonderful.....

There's no objective viewpoint. And I understand why they say these things, art is very personal and the whole "beauty in the eye of the holder" thing....and people don't want to discourage.

(And if you have ever offered an opinion...thank you!)

But I digress...It is essential to develop a style and get better at what you're doing....

Of course, there is and should always be room for experimenting or as I like to think of it...get it out of your system. So, that's what I plan to use my artist's books for...styles that I need to paint, but don't necessarily want to develop as a signature style.

But, as of today, I'm going to be focusing on developing a style based on my selection of paintings that get me inspired. And I'm going to let this development be reflected in my online shops so I'll be removing items and adding newer ones as I develop...and hopefully, my printer will be printing correctly soon and I'll have new paintings to show.

So, there it is...my declaration to actively develop a recognizable style that is true to me and communicates what I wish to say.

What are you're opinions or thoughts on developing a signature look?

This is one of those things I have a love/hate relationship with....so, what do you think?

SPRING!

Spring is almost here! I can feel it! It's not just the gentle slow warming of the days...but I feel it in my spirit....a wakening, a quickening, a rebirth...

My birthday is next month...so many years ago, I was preparing to be born in my mother's womb...maybe this is the source of these feelings...

It's just when the breeze filters in my open windows and takes away with it the winter's chill and old air and I feel like I could fly away with it...dance with the warm current of air into a warm, green place of growing....

Rabbits slowly take over the fields and their statue counterparts take over my porch. My father-in-law who passed away nearly a year ago, we shared close birthdays and these last few years he would always give me a porch rabbit. As we clean out his business I find more rabbit statues and want to bring them into our lives to honor his memory.

Rabbits, of course, represent many things, among them...fertility, new birth, intuition, promise, fulfillment and balance. Rabbits are tied to the moon and their gestational period is between 28-31 days which of course is the length of a month. The month being tied to the phases of the moon. Cool, huh?

And did you know you can see a rabbit in the moon...similar to the man in the moon?

And it's the Year of the Rabbit....

So, I suppose if I feel a little hoppy, springy, and full of life and possibility these days..it's to be understood.

I think we have these mythic symbols and practices in place for a reason...they speak to our most centered humanity and beliefs. They are bits of our soul embodied in tangible things...to be celebrated and honored. They are after all ourselves....

The paintings above are ones that I've done at different times. The first one I did in '08. And the bottom one was completed last week. Rabbits often pop up in my sketch books and it's interesting to note how my style has evolved over the course of time.

Which one do you prefer?

Struck with the Questions or Take this Hammer...

Well I'm feeling a bit wordy today so forgive for this long post.

Before I get on my soap box check out Flickr for my Illustration Friday submission.

Now...this morning I woke up with an affliction I'll call "Being Struck with the Questions". And I warn you...this is a snippet to how my brain works...you've been warned. (At least I didn't follow James Joyce and publish it in a novel...)

Now it's simple really. I wake up inspired and after I've been up awhile the questions strike. Not bad questions...just random thoughts that pop around in my brain and have to come out. It could be things I need to work on, where I'm going (literally and metaphorically) and the great questions of the universe that may never be answered adequately...

What kind of questions you ask? Here's a sample:

*Note some of these "questions" are more likely statements or random jargon that is posed in a questioning manner...okay, here goes...

Warning again...this is non-linear and goes it a hundred different directions...

Is a "style" simply repeating the same thing over and over again in different ways?

Orpheus--as a mirror of himself? Is he a narcissist?

Beauty in decay? and Destruction as aid to creation? (These are old questions but were brought back to mind last night at a poetry reading.)

Woodie Guthrie?

This may seem odd, but I watched parts of Bound to Glory yesterday and read a few chapters of the book by the same title. Great words and images stream from this book. But this makes me think of the dust bowl and how it can be imagined through art...

literally--as in images of the era and people

"embodied"--exploring the feelings of panic and desperation...these painting aren't necessarily figurative or abstract but a combination of all these things to provide a new perspective of an event.

This train of thought leads me to...

Is there a place left in the world for Van Gogh? Simply meaning in a world where everyone is connected...is anyone or anything left unseen? I feel like yes...because there is so much we forget so much faster...we seem more isolated, more alone and more forgotten.

Which leads to....

Have we reached the age where Andy Warhol claimed we'd all be famous for 15 minutes? What does this say about fame? (a topic also broached during the reading last night) Why do we give it the weight and importance that we do? It's all imagery and glitter and lies. Actors (for a famous example) go broke all the time...but we don't hear those stories....we hid our sorry secrets, scary thoughts and reality under the rug and trample on them hoping to crush them...not that everything is terrible...it's not....but this way of looking is unbalanced...we have glorious images and the grass is greener on the other side shoved at us all the time that we forget that sometimes we're stuck with the dust...we don't know how to deal with the negative stuff because it's not supposed to be real...the glitter, the masks, the shining glory is supposed to be real...and it is...but it also casts a shadow but we forget to look at it...

Balance. Oh, Lord, don't we need it. Too much darkness....too much lightness....never good. Balance.

Maybe this is why I've been drawn to music like the blues, people like Woodie Guthrie, folk art and all of the "human" things.....it's an anecdote to the saccharine medicine that makes us feel like everything will be PERFECT....because it's not...but that's okay...it's not supposed to be...there's duality in nature...sun/moon, birth/death, creation/destruction....why should it be any different for humans?Why do we try to force one thing or the other? Why do we fight the duality, the cycles? Give too much to one or the other...

Remember I told you...soapbox....

Maybe my painting up there is a good image for all this....

It's inspired by the song "Take this Hammer..."

Now I know literally it's a prison song about escaping a chain gang...

But for me it is multi-faceted. I stuck with an image of a bird flying from the thorns. Which can be seen literally as escaping thorns or..... you can see so much more and thinking of the song....hear so much more.

What are the thorns? How and where are you flying? Is is light or dark or both?

Take this hammer, carry it to the captain.

Tell him I'm gone.

If he asks you was I running, tell him I was flying...

Tell him I'm gone.

Illustration Friday--Reverse

This was going to be my submission for Illustration Friday but I can't get it to upload at the moment and I'm getting frustrated so I'm backing up for awhile. I'll try again later. If you look over at my Etsy shop link on the side you might notice some newer paintings. I'm painting mini folk art pieces. I'm exploring different folk styles and icons in these new paintings. I call them niche paintings because of their small size they are perfect for sticking in small little spots that might be bare otherwise. I've always loved small things and I really like small niches and the icons that find their homes there. So hop over and have a look.

Also don't forget, as soon as this blog reaches 100 followers... FREE GIVEAWAY!

Now, who doesn't like that!

Surrender-Illustration Friday

Here's my submission for Illustration Friday....surrender.

I suppose this topic is serendipitous because I've felt this way lately...
The feeling of needing to surrender to outside things and let things happen as they will...
Not trying to control things that can't be controlled, taking a deep breathe and letting go...
It's hard and downright scary...
But if you don't let go how will you learn that you have wings....

Haunted by the South....

Lately I've been on a "southern" kick...which I find odd....since, you know, living in the South...
For some reason, I look around and realize I'm in the south...all it's weirdness, kookiness and downright southerness....I'm also struck by a sense of "duality" for lack of a better word. Simply meaning, how the south is a thing unto its own? And how it's finding itself in the 21st century while being firmly rooted in the past.....

And I'm also finding more and more ways "the south" has popped up all around me through other blog posts, books, etc....

But let me say...

Hollywood always gets it wrong....

And I always get mad when somebody in a movie is from "Alabama" and they're a complete idiot...

And the "oh, so southern" eccentricities...think Steel Magnolias, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, etc....how much of this is true...?

Let me just say I've never seen someone do a hoe-down at a wedding i.e. Steel Magnolias...

I have been to a confederate themed wedding where the men carried black powder muskets and shot them over the heads of the wedding party....and it was in a cornfield....

I've been to Birmingham, Montgomery, Savannah, Memphis...all the "southern" places and they all seen pretty normal...

I mean, yeah, you get some random craziness, cows in the middle of the highway, dog's headstones in the backyard, any given Sunday at trade day, passing tent revival's and wondering where they keep the snakes...but it's mostly normal? (Not that handling snakes is normal unless you're from up the road a ways).

What do people think of the south? I'm always intrigued when someone from out of state moves here and finding out how they like our accents, grits and iced tea.

So, I look around, try to be non biased and try to figure out where these people get their info...

Are southerns weird? Are we all eccentric?

Oh, by the way, that's a new painting up there...

New Paintings

Here are a few new things I finished yesterday.

Why is it that as soon as you decide...all right, that's it, I'm done...things start happening. Is it a weird joke that the universe plays....stringing you along or is it something else....

I don't know but it's frustrating sometimes. Maybe it's the reminder that things can and will happen...you just have to continue having faith and trust that something good will happen....maybe instead of the universe stringing you along...it's a pat on the back saying, "You can do it. Don't give up. Look see."

But having faith/trust/belief is hard...so hard...especially when it gets to the point of nearly hitting bottom....and someone somewhere throws you a rope....

I'm speaking of course about trying to make a living doing what I love, selling books, selling art, etc. But I believe this type of thing spans across many things....

What are your thoughts?

A bit of info for you!

As soon as my blog reaches 100 followers, I'll be doing a free giveaway! Probably have a few things available and let the winner pick. I've never done this sort of thing before and it will be interesting to see how it will work....so spread the word and send people this way!

Also check out my facebook page! Click here!

Haunted by Ophelia...

Haunted by Ophelia...

Ophelia pops up in my sketches from time to time...she has for years. There's something intriguing about her. Here she was surrounded like people acting a fool (literally) and she gave in too it.

That's the thing about crazy...it can take you with it.

Without going into to much detail, suffice it to say that I've been around crazy my whole life...and it's easy to fall into that trap....it's easy to stay there, stay crazy, and just be with it.

But...I tried to follow the road less traveled (by my crazymakers) and got out...I'll admit...it's been hard...the isolation from people I love because I can't be around them very long without getting certain Ophelia-esque tendencies....the struggle of the feeling of having to go it alone....the nagging thought that I might be next in a long line of crazy....

But...you have to fight it....do the hard thing (which is often the right thing) and get up and get over it....Let Ophelia go.....just let her float away....because if you're honest....nobody really cared about Ophelia...she just was...then wasn't there...innocence corrupted by crazy

Has she haunted you?

Trouble in Mind....

Here's my newest painting in a series of planned paintings. This quote is from a old blues song called "Trouble in Mind" which my husband plays all the time.

Wanna know a not-so-secret secret....I love trains... I love counting cars as I wait for them to pass, I love the spray painted stories from a thousand different cities, I love slightly jumpy, panicky feeling you get if you're close when one goes by...

The place where I live is criss-crossed a thousand times with railroad tracks and everywhere I've lived I've always heard them, whistling and rattling on down the tracks. Nothing sounds better to me than a train whistle. Every time I hear one I stop and listen. I even stopped a class I was teaching once and made the kids just listen.....

Now, I know that "Gonna let that 2:19 train ease my worried mind..." is about suicide, but taken out of context, it can have a much different, almost positive meaning...

You just have to listen...

Another not-so-secret secret...almost all the shoes I have are red....

Which to listen to.....

The heart versus mind
It happens all the time
The battle of two wills
Call it what you will
My heart said go
But mind said no

Aisha Ludmilla Pin

Head or heart? Which one do you listen to? Should only one be the deciding factor? Or do you need the head to ground the heart....or contrariwise, let the heart give the head wings.....

We get stuck. Stuck between the two desires...feelings of wanting to do something, needing in your heart to do something contrasted with your head saying...stay a little longer, not now, wait, and on and on.....

The Decision

Oh, wouldn't it be so easy to separate the two....
But then what would we have? And what and how would you choose, head or heart?

All I'm trying to do.....is carry my heart gently.....

“The heart is the only broken instrument that works.”

T. E. Kalem

A somewhat funny, sad sidenote: The hand holding the heart thing I made a few years back is broken....

And these questions are open for discussion, comment, leave experiences, share stories....it helps...

New Directions

This is a painting I did for an artist friend for her studio. This painting is in a lot a ways a new direction for me as well. I find myself moving in new directions and we sometimes need a little help or support as we travel along. I tried to give thought to those fears and challenges with this painting. Probably the first thing you noticed is that the woman symbolizing Painting or Art is blindfolded...I have several reasons for this, but mostly because there should be no judgment in creating art.

I remember as a child and teenager creating art only to destroy it later for not being good enough. If my mom ever caught me she wouldn't let me throw anything away and probably dug some art out of the trash. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we judge others when they make an effort? Yeah, it might not be the next greatest piece of art, but who cares, it's a creation, a work of heart and love that someone, whether they realize it or not, spent love and effort bringing forth. Why do we try to destroy the beauty in our lives?

A sidenote: I still struggle with accepting my art and the desire to destroy it sometimes. Just last night I worked on a painting (still working on it) and had to fight the urge to throw it outside in the rain....funny thing, my husband Jacob refuses to let me paint over or destroy something I've made...I have a painting that I don't particularly like and want to reuse the canvas but he won't let me...he says he'd rather buy me a new canvas than let me paint over it...

There are other symbols, the hand of Fatima, the lotus, the doorway---all things that symbolize movement, luck, protection and faith. Things we all need to get by some days.

So, when I painted this...I did it with love, with the knowledge that I was painting it for a friend, to bring her happiness and maybe luck. And even though you may not have a painting of mine, I hope and pray the same for you....whoever you are.