Ain't No Grave Gonna Hold My Body Down

~~~Painted this weekend with help from my 5 year old nephew....

I'm like most people...I have experienced horrible, messy and terrible things in my life....

I try to be positive and forward thinking, but at the same time I don't want to trivialize the things that have happened to me...they've made me who I am for better or worse....

But, I am who I am...and I can't change that....

Maybe I'm jaded, maybe I'm a realist...but I don't think you can completely cover up certain things in your life...if you do, it has a tendency to grow in the shadows like mushrooms and become overwhelming...

But if you can open up and share things, you have the chance to help someone else...someone who can't open up or are afraid too.....you can help people grow, change their situation and better their lives....

So, because I've been in some crappy situations, I'm going to try to open up more, help people more.....

Because I feel like I need to....

I've come up with some beliefs that I carry. I'm going to work on talking about these more and opening up about how I've overcome some of the ****storm I've endured.

First some beliefs that I have....

1. That the world is a wonderful, terrible and beautiful wonder.
2. That there is pain but also joy.
3. That most people are scared (of whatever) but that if given strength, knowledge and power can overcome
4. That there is sadness but also relief
5. That there can be balance and this is the key to everything.

And an explanation...

One of the reasons I like painting lyrics to blues songs and folk art in general...is that I feel it has an authenticity to it....it's not candy-coated, hunky-dory-ness (which is a southern way of saying everything's fine) but deals with life, misery, the whole kit and caboodle of living...and makes the best of it while respecting that it's not all peaches and cream....

But let's face it....there is pain and suffering in the world...and while I'm not trying to celebrate it...I think that if you ignore it or act like it doesn't exist...you trivialize it and the people experiencing it.....but sometimes you have to face the demon to conquer it.....and like the painting above says....there ain't no grave gonna hold my body down....

Eclectic Art....so be it.

Here's the finished Invitation to Enter and two new paintings I recently did. Eclectic art at its best. I'm getting back to making art as play. The enjoyment of making marks on paper, learning how the paint works, blends and creates new sensations.

I'm also working on feeling okay with doing this. Relating to my previous post I'm still trying to work through issues with art making. I'm learning to be alright with the fact that my art is all over the place, that I am a "jack-of-all-art-trades". I think this fact comes from the feeling that I love to learn, to try new things, have lots of different projects going on, and play in the process.

This goes against my more "rational" brain telling me to focus, to concentrate on one thing, one style, one type of thing....and I can't. And the fact that I can't drives me crazy, makes me think that I'm "wrong" in some way. That I'll never be successful if I try to do everything. But I'm trying to claim my magpie status in painting. It's said that until you learn a lesson, you'll have to review it over and over again until you do "get" it. I suppose this is my lesson. Allow myself to be random, flowing, fluid and....eclectic....and don't worry about it.

Thinking in this way lights the "passion" fire. Makes me happy again. It gives me back my art.  It frees my thinking and spirit and allows me to accept my art...however and whatever it is.

Sewing, bookbinding, painting-acrylic, mixed media, folk art, "spiritual/sacred", abstract, journaling, stamp carving, screen printing, embroidery, and on and on the list goes.....multi-faceted, eclectic, mish-mash artist at large....that's me.....

Do you or anyone you know also deal with this? Do you have any advice or comments, read any books that deal with this? Please, feel free to discuss, etc. I look forward to what you have to say! Thanks for reading!

Invitation to Enter

work in progress...
Here's my latest work in progress sometimes when I'm working on something and I come to a stopping point, I'll bring it into the house from the studio so I can study it during the day...this work is an attempt to paint more of what I want to paint, something not dictated by an idea of "audience" or "market" but rather for me...about things/feelings/ideas I'm curious about....


I've been reading a book called Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Acedia as defined by the book jacket "is a term understood to be spiritual sloth, but really signifies the serious malady of being unable to care."


In other words....boredom....
Bored with your work and it's lack of progress you begin to seek out other ways to feel fulfilled. The author describes this as it relates to early monks, but also relates how it can affect artists, writers and others whose work is often done in solitude with little or no response from the outside world. 


Something to which I can relate.....


I've always had in me a restlessness, a longing of sorts and I've often looked to spirituality for answers...but I often find myself back at square one, as it were...


But, I truly, truly, believe there are answers and comforts to the things that trouble us....but I also find that when I  research things of this nature online and even in libraries I find time and time again....Law of Attraction.....


Maybe, I'm reading things wrong, but honestly, the whole Law of Attraction thing really bothers me...I feel it can set up gullible and hurting people for more disappointment....one thing, for instance, that I struggle with (like so many others) is financial issues partnered with raising costs of...I don't know...everything.....and I also struggle with wanting so, so, bad to make an income with selling my art/books/creative endeavors and so I research how to do this....and I find (and I'm sure you do to if you follow anybody in the art/blogging world).....they all have something to sell...in the form of e-courses, e-books, and blah blah blah....and can show you how to do it for only $$$$.....and at lot of what is out there (and I admit to having bought some) is Law of Attraction and create your own coaching, e-course, yada yada....and nothing much about selling actual art....


Maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'll eat these words...maybe I'm just not buying the right e-book or trying hard enough...or whatever....


But...


I don't want to do those things....(e-courses, etc.)
I want to make art...
art that reaches people...
that reminds them of simpler and more sacred things....
art that has a life and a sense of history....


And I know that my art isn't there....yet....I've been painting towards an invisible market and audience...trying to paint something accessible to more people so that perhaps it would sell....and it hasn't so I'm not doing it anymore...I'm painting for me and my thoughts, ideas and curiosities....and I can't promise that it will be any good, but I feel a hole and a burning desire for a more authentic...experience....


In this way I'm going to try to beat my restlessness and boredom....and my despair...I'm opening myself up to inner peace which is to say happiness...


Maybe this is the wrong thing to say or do....maybe I'll hurt myself in the long run...but if I can't be myself...who else is going to do it....

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Sidenote: The above painting is called Invitation to Enter...somebody on Facebook asked me why she has her eyes closed if she's meant to be inviting...here's my response...  it's internalization...a spiritual invitation over a worldly one....an opening on her inner self than the external...


Also, since painting something that has meaning to me...I can actually come up with meaningful titles rather than a generic descriptive label...

Hello Wonderful People!

This weekend I'll be at a local show in Gadsden called Gadabout Art. These are some of the new things I've put together. Hopefully, it will be a good weekend with Mother's Day on Sunday. If you're in Gadsden or the general area, please do stop by and say hello!


The two bottom paintings are what I'm calling "books". They are Artists Trading Cards that have been "bound" with fabric and an outside covering and then I painted the illustrations.

I looovvveee old diptychs and personal icons that you can carry especially if they are worn and well-loved. I plan to make more of these maybe incorporating metal. This is why I also paint the wooden "tiles" that end up in my Etsy shop. I love the look of art that has life and memories and could tell you stories of things that have happened.  Like these:

In other adventures....I have to make a art display of some sort....I'm trying to make a more professional looking set up rather than the um.....yardsell....look I have going on now. I'll get pics and maybe some directions on the one my husband and I put together.

New Mother on Mother's Day!

Well Mother's Day is right around the corner and this will be my first since having my now 6-month old. It's been a whirl wind ride...ups and downs, confusion, frustration, fear and worry....but also unimaginable joy and happiness and knowing a love I never knew I was capable of.....

This kind of love reminds me in a way of Frida Kahlo's The Two Fridas....
Only my son holds my life blood and sometimes my very breath....it's like we are two halves of one whole....it's an amazing, powerful love that words cannot explain....it's like holding your heart in your mouth

Motherhood is the one damn hardest things I've ever done....nearly 26 hours of (mostly) non-medicated labor (no epidural) before culminating in a c-section, the pain, adjustment, second guessing, fear and complete emotional break down before being lifted up into a all encompassing love...

Mothers, women, their journeys, struggles, loves and losses....mean so much to me now....I've never been much of a girly girl and I'm still not and I've never really had great female relationships either...with family or friends ....but there is bond between all women I think...a bond stretching back all the way the Eve, there's a well of strength and perseverance that allows women to carry on....

I'm proud to be a mother...

Well now...where have you been?

Newest work in progress!

Well...where have I been?
1. Moved into a new house
2. Had a baby
3. Had a kidney stone
4. Had some very, very, very busy days

So....to save you the boredom of reading all that...I'm just posted pictures of my newest work. Please, tell me what you think! Most of these are available for sale. Email me if you're interested!