Sunday, May 20, 2012

Invitation to Enter





work in progress...
Here's my latest work in progress sometimes when I'm working on something and I come to a stopping point, I'll bring it into the house from the studio so I can study it during the day...this work is an attempt to paint more of what I want to paint, something not dictated by an idea of "audience" or "market" but rather for me...about things/feelings/ideas I'm curious about....


I've been reading a book called Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Acedia as defined by the book jacket "is a term understood to be spiritual sloth, but really signifies the serious malady of being unable to care."


In other words....boredom....
Bored with your work and it's lack of progress you begin to seek out other ways to feel fulfilled. The author describes this as it relates to early monks, but also relates how it can affect artists, writers and others whose work is often done in solitude with little or no response from the outside world. 


Something to which I can relate.....


I've always had in me a restlessness, a longing of sorts and I've often looked to spirituality for answers...but I often find myself back at square one, as it were...


But, I truly, truly, believe there are answers and comforts to the things that trouble us....but I also find that when I  research things of this nature online and even in libraries I find time and time again....Law of Attraction.....


Maybe, I'm reading things wrong, but honestly, the whole Law of Attraction thing really bothers me...I feel it can set up gullible and hurting people for more disappointment....one thing, for instance, that I struggle with (like so many others) is financial issues partnered with raising costs of...I don't know...everything.....and I also struggle with wanting so, so, bad to make an income with selling my art/books/creative endeavors and so I research how to do this....and I find (and I'm sure you do to if you follow anybody in the art/blogging world).....they all have something to sell...in the form of e-courses, e-books, and blah blah blah....and can show you how to do it for only $$$$.....and at lot of what is out there (and I admit to having bought some) is Law of Attraction and create your own coaching, e-course, yada yada....and nothing much about selling actual art....


Maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'll eat these words...maybe I'm just not buying the right e-book or trying hard enough...or whatever....


But...


I don't want to do those things....(e-courses, etc.)
I want to make art...
art that reaches people...
that reminds them of simpler and more sacred things....
art that has a life and a sense of history....


And I know that my art isn't there....yet....I've been painting towards an invisible market and audience...trying to paint something accessible to more people so that perhaps it would sell....and it hasn't so I'm not doing it anymore...I'm painting for me and my thoughts, ideas and curiosities....and I can't promise that it will be any good, but I feel a hole and a burning desire for a more authentic...experience....


In this way I'm going to try to beat my restlessness and boredom....and my despair...I'm opening myself up to inner peace which is to say happiness...


Maybe this is the wrong thing to say or do....maybe I'll hurt myself in the long run...but if I can't be myself...who else is going to do it....

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Sidenote: The above painting is called Invitation to Enter...somebody on Facebook asked me why she has her eyes closed if she's meant to be inviting...here's my response...  it's internalization...a spiritual invitation over a worldly one....an opening on her inner self than the external...


Also, since painting something that has meaning to me...I can actually come up with meaningful titles rather than a generic descriptive label...



2 comments:

Mermaids and Sailors said...

I think now you are on the right track.

While I am not an art history major, I cannot think of any artist who painted for an audience. They created art to express themselves and by putting themselves out there, others were able to relate.

I find this is often how music works. Someone pens a love song and a million people find that they feel the exact same way but could not find the words to express themselves. Create what is inside you and others will take notice.

You're an interesting person. It will show in your art and others will be attracted to it. Don't simply try to create what is already out there that may draw attention to you. It's been done before and no one has the time to listen anymore.

Hilary Blackwood said...

Thank you so much for your response. I know this is what I should do...but in my attempt to "make a living" I treated art like a job with a product to produce...horrible isn't it....that and I doubted what I had to say....that it would relate...and having a low self-esteem has made me believe this to be true....but I'm working on this...again thanks for taking the time to comment...