Invitation to Enter

work in progress...
Here's my latest work in progress sometimes when I'm working on something and I come to a stopping point, I'll bring it into the house from the studio so I can study it during the day...this work is an attempt to paint more of what I want to paint, something not dictated by an idea of "audience" or "market" but rather for me...about things/feelings/ideas I'm curious about....


I've been reading a book called Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Acedia as defined by the book jacket "is a term understood to be spiritual sloth, but really signifies the serious malady of being unable to care."


In other words....boredom....
Bored with your work and it's lack of progress you begin to seek out other ways to feel fulfilled. The author describes this as it relates to early monks, but also relates how it can affect artists, writers and others whose work is often done in solitude with little or no response from the outside world. 


Something to which I can relate.....


I've always had in me a restlessness, a longing of sorts and I've often looked to spirituality for answers...but I often find myself back at square one, as it were...


But, I truly, truly, believe there are answers and comforts to the things that trouble us....but I also find that when I  research things of this nature online and even in libraries I find time and time again....Law of Attraction.....


Maybe, I'm reading things wrong, but honestly, the whole Law of Attraction thing really bothers me...I feel it can set up gullible and hurting people for more disappointment....one thing, for instance, that I struggle with (like so many others) is financial issues partnered with raising costs of...I don't know...everything.....and I also struggle with wanting so, so, bad to make an income with selling my art/books/creative endeavors and so I research how to do this....and I find (and I'm sure you do to if you follow anybody in the art/blogging world).....they all have something to sell...in the form of e-courses, e-books, and blah blah blah....and can show you how to do it for only $$$$.....and at lot of what is out there (and I admit to having bought some) is Law of Attraction and create your own coaching, e-course, yada yada....and nothing much about selling actual art....


Maybe I'm wrong...maybe I'll eat these words...maybe I'm just not buying the right e-book or trying hard enough...or whatever....


But...


I don't want to do those things....(e-courses, etc.)
I want to make art...
art that reaches people...
that reminds them of simpler and more sacred things....
art that has a life and a sense of history....


And I know that my art isn't there....yet....I've been painting towards an invisible market and audience...trying to paint something accessible to more people so that perhaps it would sell....and it hasn't so I'm not doing it anymore...I'm painting for me and my thoughts, ideas and curiosities....and I can't promise that it will be any good, but I feel a hole and a burning desire for a more authentic...experience....


In this way I'm going to try to beat my restlessness and boredom....and my despair...I'm opening myself up to inner peace which is to say happiness...


Maybe this is the wrong thing to say or do....maybe I'll hurt myself in the long run...but if I can't be myself...who else is going to do it....

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Sidenote: The above painting is called Invitation to Enter...somebody on Facebook asked me why she has her eyes closed if she's meant to be inviting...here's my response...  it's internalization...a spiritual invitation over a worldly one....an opening on her inner self than the external...


Also, since painting something that has meaning to me...I can actually come up with meaningful titles rather than a generic descriptive label...

Hello Wonderful People!

This weekend I'll be at a local show in Gadsden called Gadabout Art. These are some of the new things I've put together. Hopefully, it will be a good weekend with Mother's Day on Sunday. If you're in Gadsden or the general area, please do stop by and say hello!


The two bottom paintings are what I'm calling "books". They are Artists Trading Cards that have been "bound" with fabric and an outside covering and then I painted the illustrations.

I looovvveee old diptychs and personal icons that you can carry especially if they are worn and well-loved. I plan to make more of these maybe incorporating metal. This is why I also paint the wooden "tiles" that end up in my Etsy shop. I love the look of art that has life and memories and could tell you stories of things that have happened.  Like these:

In other adventures....I have to make a art display of some sort....I'm trying to make a more professional looking set up rather than the um.....yardsell....look I have going on now. I'll get pics and maybe some directions on the one my husband and I put together.

New Mother on Mother's Day!

Well Mother's Day is right around the corner and this will be my first since having my now 6-month old. It's been a whirl wind ride...ups and downs, confusion, frustration, fear and worry....but also unimaginable joy and happiness and knowing a love I never knew I was capable of.....

This kind of love reminds me in a way of Frida Kahlo's The Two Fridas....
Only my son holds my life blood and sometimes my very breath....it's like we are two halves of one whole....it's an amazing, powerful love that words cannot explain....it's like holding your heart in your mouth

Motherhood is the one damn hardest things I've ever done....nearly 26 hours of (mostly) non-medicated labor (no epidural) before culminating in a c-section, the pain, adjustment, second guessing, fear and complete emotional break down before being lifted up into a all encompassing love...

Mothers, women, their journeys, struggles, loves and losses....mean so much to me now....I've never been much of a girly girl and I'm still not and I've never really had great female relationships either...with family or friends ....but there is bond between all women I think...a bond stretching back all the way the Eve, there's a well of strength and perseverance that allows women to carry on....

I'm proud to be a mother...

Well now...where have you been?

Newest work in progress!

Well...where have I been?
1. Moved into a new house
2. Had a baby
3. Had a kidney stone
4. Had some very, very, very busy days

So....to save you the boredom of reading all that...I'm just posted pictures of my newest work. Please, tell me what you think! Most of these are available for sale. Email me if you're interested!

Rainy Day in the Country

Oh, it's raining. When I work up the day was gray and cool. I hopped outside before the rain arrived to take some photos and let out my beasty demons. Then, back inside.... to work on my "illuminated" books and put some chicken soup in the slow cooker while the rain falls outside.

I've had a lot of thoughts lately. Thoughts on authenticity, fears, trusting the universe, acceptance and all these things jumble around in my head until I don't know which end is up.

Overall, it's been a huge and terrifying year. A year of changes, a year of endings and beginnings. And on top of it all....fears...fears of losing it all, fears of what these changes will bring, how I will change. My pregnancy is reaching it's end and this ending brings new beginnings.

I want to be open and accepting. I want to live fearlessly and confident, sharing the talents and gifts I've been given, offering these gifts for the good of myself, others and my community.

Working on my recent "illuminated" books have offered some respite. The idea of illuminated books, bringing in the light comforts me. Shutting out the world, listening to music, and methodically cutting and removing layers of text to add images and patterns. Creating art, something sacred out of something that would have been discarded, thrown out and forgotten. This process gives me a sense of completion, a sense of accomplishment and that everything will be alright, because someone is watching out for me.....just like I'm watching out for these old books and giving them new life.

So, how do you cope with overwhelming thoughts, feelings and fears? Do you burrow away into your work, write, etc?  And what do you think of my "illuminated" books?

Mixed Media Altered Book

Here's what I found on my desk this morning....well, what I've been working on. I love illuminated manuscripts so this is my version of that. I take a book, saw it down, cut it out and paint it. I'm loving the results! So, much fun, I become completely absorbed in the making. (Much to my husband's chagrin because I never hear the phone when it rings.)

I'm reaching a realization.....of sorts. Maybe it's coming from the changes I'm experiencing and will soon be experiencing with upcoming childbirth....

Well, my realization is more like a letting go....letting go of my old self and making room for the new one to grow....letting go of the assumption that the art I create has to follow a form...I just like to make stuff....letting go of fear and worry and the need to "fit" in....I'm letting myself "go with the flow" and accept things I can't change and accept myself....and I find a sort of peace with this...peace of spirit and mind....and this peace brings a freedom in creation and trust...

Anyways.....the last pic is a new altered book that I'm listing on Etsy.

It's getting chilly here....stay warm.

On my desk this morning...

Here's a look at what greeted me this morning. I try to get in there daily to "work". Today had all kinds of pleasant interruptions, my mom and nephew came over. Other not so nice interruptions include a cough and head cold that's kept me down the past couple of days and a baby who has decided that my belly is an inflatable jumper. It's pretty hard to use a X-acto knife when your belly moves of its own accord. But I've made some progress. I've been really enjoying the altered book/mixed media thing I've been doing lately. The new work is showing up in my shop....POP over if you care to have a look.

Well, tomorrow's Saturday. If all works out, I'll be heading in The Magic City (Birmingham, AL) for their annual ArtWalk. Hope your weekends great!